


To Have and To Hold

by lls_mutant



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-03
Updated: 2010-04-03
Packaged: 2017-10-08 17:05:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/77673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lls_mutant/pseuds/lls_mutant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is for the <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/bsg_pornbattle/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://community.livejournal.com/bsg_pornbattle/"><b>bsg_pornbattle</b></a>, prompt is <i>secretly married</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	To Have and To Hold

It came out of nowhere, when they were lying in bed.

"Marry me."

Felix turned and looked at Louis. "_What_?"

Louis smiled. "Marry me," he repeated.

Felix blinked. Finally, he said the only thing that popped into his head. "_Why?_"

Louis shrugged. "Because I love you. I'd like to think that you love me."

"Yeah, but…"

"But what? 'The rest of our lives' isn't exactly going to be a long time, I'm guessing. We literally could die tomorrow."

"Isn't that one of the lamest lines any new recruit uses on a piece of hot meat?" Felix said, shifting awkwardly and trying not to bump Louis in the chin with his elbow. Louis obligingly turned on his side, propping his head up on his hand, his free hand tracing light patterns over Felix's bare abdomen. "Baby, they're sending me off to war, I don't know if I'll come back, make my last night alive a life worth living?"

"Yeah, but we _are_ at war, and we don't know if we'll come back, and it would be nice to make the days worth living." Louis was laughing, but then the laughter faded, leaving the naked emotion in his eyes. "I mean it, Felix. I know that there isn't much to it anymore, and it really won't change a thing for anyone else. But it means something to me."

Felix reached up and brushed the short fringe of hair off Louis's forehead. "What does it mean to you?" he asked softly.

"It means that when you walk into the CIC, I have the right to smile at you. It means that I can care about your day, and you'll care about mine. It means that I can worry about you, I can celebrate with you, I can laugh with you, I can dance with you, and I can argue with you. It means that it's you and me, through war and fire and blood. It means you're my best friend, my next of kin, my lover, and my partner. And most of all, it means that I can come back here knowing that no matter what mood I'm in, I'm coming back to you and that makes whatever miserable day I've had worth while."

Felix took a deep breath. "When you put it that way," he said, "what are we waiting for?" He pushed out of bed. "Come on," he said, separating their clothes. "Let's go find a priest."

***

The ceremony was short and simple. It would have been that way regardless of the short notice- neither Louis nor Felix were much for wedding details. They did manage to wear their dress grays, but that was about their only concession to the fact that this was out of the ordinary.

There were no guests; only the requisite two witnesses. They were a couple that had come over from _The Rising Star_ for spiritual counseling, and Louis and Felix didn't even know their names. There were no rings, but both of them preferred that anyway, working with their hands and electronics so much. There was no party afterwards; just drinks at Joe's.

"It's too bad we wouldn't rate family quarters," Felix said after their third drink, over the music that was playing on the wireless. "That would be the biggest reason I'd want to tell someone."

"You don't want to tell anyone?" Louis asked, more amused than offended. After all, he hadn't been volunteering the information himself.

"I wouldn't mind if anyone found out, don't get me wrong," Felix said, running a hand up Louis's knee. "It's just that this is private. I mean, for the past seven years I've had to share _everything_. It's nice to have something I love that's mine, and mine alone." His eyes were bright as his gaze settled on Louis's face. The music on the wireless changed to something slow, and Felix smiled. "Come on," he said, standing up. "It's our wedding song. Let's dance." Louis laughed and took his extended hand.

Neither of them were good dancers, but it didn't matter- not for this kind of song. They moved together, cheek to cheek, chest to chest, thigh to thigh. The bar was dark and smoky and no one was looking at them, and as they listened to the song they both realized that the lyrics were highly inappropriate as a wedding song.

"I feel like I should be saying something significant," Felix said over the refrain. "But I'm not really sure I can."

"Are you happy?" Louis asked him instead.

"Yes." Felix's reply was instantaneous and heartfelt.

"Then that's significant," Louis said.

Felix laid his head against Louis's shoulder, and Louis's cheek rested against his hair, and they danced together in blissful silence.

***

It was dark in officer's rack when they stumbled in, both extremely tipsy and laughing. "Careful," Felix whispered. "We don't want to wake anyone up. It's our wedding night." Louis made a face and they both dissolved into fits of hysterical giggles. Kelly shifted, snorted, and then broke into loud snores, but that was the most they heard.

"Come on," Felix said, undoing Louis's buttons. "You still need to ravish me."

"Oh, you think _you're_ getting ravished?" Louis laughed, letting Felix strip off his jacket. "That's not what I was thinking."

"I believe it's my turn," Felix said, smoothing his hands over Louis's bare arms. He lingered on the tattoo, tracing the ink with his fingers, and then leaned over and kissed the freckles on Louis's shoulders.

"If I believed your count," Louis said, beginning to work on Felix's jacket, "it would always be your turn."

Felix grinned wickedly.

Kelly snorted, nearly waking up, and they both stilled, neither of them quite willing to be caught. But Kelly just turned over, and they could both breathe again.

"We'd better get into bed," Louis whispered. "We'll settle it there."

They both finished stripping off their clothing and clambered up into Felix's rack, and then pulled the privacy curtain. Felix flicked on the small lamp, and the little cubby warmed up quickly. They sat facing each other, both naked and erect.

"Rock, paper, scissors?" Felix suggested, as Louis ran a hand up his bare thigh. Felix shivered, goosebumps raising on his skin.

"That's one possibility," Louis said. "Or we could just play fair all around. Nobody bottoms tonight."

"And nobody tops," Felix agreed solemnly, catching on. He scooted closer, stretching his legs out so they aligned neatly with Louis's, only going to opposite direction. "After all, a marriage should be equal."

"Totally equal." But Louis's grin slipped a notch. "A marriage. Oh my gods, we're _married_."

"We are," Felix said. He squeezed Louis's knee, and then leaned forward and kissed him.

They'd kissed hundreds if not thousands of times before this, but for some reason, this kiss felt different to Felix. It wasn't that it was the best kiss he'd ever had- they were both drunk and it was sloppy and tasted like liquor. It wasn't even their first kiss as a married couple- they'd been all over each other all night. But this was still different, something more. He was aware that Louis was the only person he'd kiss again until one of them died, and the thought was surprisingly and intensely arousing.

He turned slightly and wrapped one arm around Louis's waist, reaching around with the other hand to stroke Louis's cock. Louis broke the kiss, mouthing wet, open kisses down the side of Felix's neck, sending shivers through him. He responded by stroking more firmly and tipping his head back to allow Louis better access.

Tipping his head back made him unsteady when he was this drunk, and Louis felt it, too. He pushed Felix back onto the mattress. With a grin and a gleam in his eye, Felix obeyed, turning so he was on his side. Louis lay down as well, curling his legs a bit so they both fit into the rack this way. Felix took Louis's cock into his mouth, almost moaning as Louis did the same to him.

This they had done before, and for all that Louis joked about Felix liking to bottom (and for all that he was right), this was truthfully his favorite thing. The reciprocity, the way Louis would groan deep in his throat in pleasure and the way that felt against his own shaft, and the warmth and the closeness… There was something so _intimate_ about doing this that it seemed exactly right for tonight. Then Louis did _something_ with his tongue, and Felix had to give up on coherent thought.

When it was over they lay side by side, still stretched in opposite directions, panting for breath for a long moment. Then Louis managed to turn himself around, and they curled up together, facing each other, their fingers laced together.

"It still keeps hitting me that we really did it," Louis said softly. "I just keep worrying that I'm going to wake up."

"No," Felix said, kissing him gently. "This is real. This is where we were headed anyway, and we both know it." He was surprised how natural it felt, how easy. "So even if you do wake up and find it's all a dream, we'll be back here before you know it."

"And I thought I was the sentimental one," Louis teased.

Felix shrugged. "Not this time," he said, and he smiled, locking the image of Louis- lying there, facing him and smiling, eyes shining- away forever, in his treasure of memories to keep safe.

***

That memory of Louis's face that night stayed with Felix. He saw it as he lay in the brig, Baltar's blood on his hands. He saw it as he lied on the stand, swearing to the gods that he'd seen Baltar sign the death list. The image kept him company on long lonely nights on the _Demetrius_, and gave him strength when he returned and the long bitter days in the infirmary. He saw it in Raptor 718, and he remembered it when he faced Louis again, knowing that his life only measured a matter of days. And he pushed Louis away, because that memory, that smile, that light in his eyes… Felix couldn't let that die. _That_ was too precious to be touched by any of this.

And when his life flashed before his eyes before he died, Louis's face was the last thing he saw.

***

"Close the airlock," Adama ordered. The Marine nodded, and the familiar beeps began to sound.

"Wait."

Lee turned, vaguely recognizing the two men who stood before him. One was a brother; Miles or Niles, if Lee remembered right. The other was Lieutenant Louis Hoshi, who was pale white and shaking.

Tigh snorted. "Sorry, brother," he said. "There aren't any funerals for executions."

"There are if a spouse remains," the brother said. "That's permitted."

"Neither Zarek nor Gaeta had a spouse," Adama said, but Lee saw Tigh's face light with recognition as he looked at Hoshi.

"Bill," he said, laying a hand on Adama's arm, "I'm not sure about that."

There were two files on the airlock console. Lee picked the one up, even as his father took the brother in with a measured glance. "I'm not going to say you're joking," Adama said. "But you're not going to make a mockery of the institution of marriage just so a man can grieve his lover. Not this time."

There was a notation in Gaeta's file, initialed by the priest. Brother Niles, then, Lee realized.

"It's not a mockery," Brother Niles said firmly. "I married them myself, six months ago. Lieutenant Hoshi is within his rights."

Adama opened his mouth, but Lee shoved the folder at him. "He's right, Dad. Didn't you see this?"

Adama took the folder and studied it. "I didn't think to look," he admitted. He looked at Hoshi, and then nodded. "You've got fifteen minutes."

"Thank you, sir," Hoshi said, his voice rough and raspy with grief. He turned around, and Brother Niles followed him out.

"Married," Adama grunted. "I didn't know that."

"They must not have told anyone," Lee said. "I didn't know it either, and Dee would have told me." He looked through the window, catching sight of Hoshi standing over Gaeta's corpse with a bowed head, Brother Niles reading from the scrolls. He glanced away hurriedly. Something told him that Hoshi wanted to mourn alone. "It's going to be hard on him," he said.

Tigh was still watching out the window, an unreadable expression on his face. Lee sat down, ready to talk and distract his father and to hopefully give Hoshi just a little more time. After a moment, Tigh joined them. After all, they both knew how it felt to lose a spouse, no matter how strange or horrible the circumstances.

Hoshi needed all the help he could get.

***

There had been no wedding pictures, but Brother Niles had a camera. He insisted on taking a photo of every couple he married. They lined his walls, smiling happily. On days when he had to cope with bad news, when he had to process overwhelming loss, when he wondered why he believed the gods existed… those were the days that he looked at that wall and was reminded of the overwhelming love that the gods had created.

Louis Hoshi said he didn't plan on putting a picture on the Memorial Wall. He was afraid that people would tear it down, and the truth was, he had few enough pictures anyway. But Brother Niles couldn't help thinking that no matter what Felix Gaeta had done, he deserved to be remembered. Brother Niles found the picture of Hoshi and Gaeta on his own wall, the two of them buoyant and smiling and happy. Louis Hoshi had loved Felix Gaeta and vice versa, and that told Brother Niles all that he needed to know.

He hung the picture on the wall, because in the face of overwhelming loss, people needed to be reminded of the love that the gods had created.


End file.
